a four-letter word
Fear.
It is such a common yet powerful feeling that everyone can interpret in their own way.
A constant voice in your head, reminding you that you might do something wrong. Some people are simply better at hiding it, and some have effectively convinced themselves not to dwell on some fears. You hesitate to move on. You simply want to get under the covers and hide from the world.
If I asked you what your greatest fear is, what would you say? Take a moment to think about that.
I’m sure every answer might vary, but for me, speaking in front of an audience has petrified me since day one.
What if I make a mistake? What if I say the wrong answer? What if I talk too fast? What if my work is not good enough?
Young kids in school are invariably curious. Eager to acquire new knowledge every day. That wasn’t my case. I was the girl who barely spoke, sat alone in the corner, and never participated. My internal monologue gave me company. Fear has definitely held me back from saying or doing things over the past few years. I was never concerned or even considered this a big deal. I purposely told myself that it is completely normal to get nervous before a presentation. But now that I think about it, I just said that to avoid accepting this fear.
That was until a recent Spanish class where the teacher was verifying if we read what was left for homework. In those types of situations, I am typically freaking out, texting all of my friends. Yet, I was not that worried because I read what was assigned, and the questions seemed fairly straightforward. Regardless of what I felt, when she called out my name, I could feel the warmth enter my body, the drips of sweat fall from the palm of my hand, my heart pounding loudly, and I even saw the redness in my skin through my computer screen.
I was sure I knew what the correct answer was but, I panicked and said the incorrect one. Even though I just had to say a simple statement, I still stuttered, mumbled, and missed some words. I recall feeling so ashamed, embarrassed, and primarily frustrated.
That day, I did not know much about how I would change this; I just knew why I needed to change it.
Reaching out to my teacher and explaining to her what happened calmed me down. One thing she said that really stuck with me was, “El miedo es un símbolo de crecimiento y poco a poco lo vas a poder superar.” It translates to fear means growth, and you will be able to overcome it step by step. Her wise words impacted my thoughts and redefined the meaning of fear.
Being afraid is just a state of weakness. It is that thing that keeps us stuck where we are, limits us from taking chances, and stunts growth. We have the option to either stay at the same stage of uneasiness, or we can change our perspective and surmount it. Remember that those critical thoughts and feelings are not your own, they’re not your fault, they’re not permanent, and they’re not important. It’s just a process of simply becoming aware and starting off small. With enough practice, you can learn to disconnect yourself from those thoughts. Not to say that I have overcome this fear, but at least I am aware and have grown from the unspoken little girl who I once was.
