itchy feeling

I hear the sound of birds chirping in the morning as a ray of sunlight beams through my window. The outside world glares with ease. Provoking a recurring itch within me to escape. Escape this frigid apartment, escape my trapped thoughts, escape this new reality.

Things just don’t feel right.

Looking down the lofty balcony and seeing people walk by, wearing a bulky cloth covering their face. Hearing nothing else but the rustling sound of leaves in the trees on a windy day. Learning from a voice coming out of a tiny rectangular frame on a computer screen.

Uneasiness floods my mind and my thoughts play on repeat. Lacking motivation and losing sense of time as days slowly go by.

I open the fridge without a reason to do so, eating my worries. Scrolling endless hours through my phone. Chatting with my mom as my only distraction. Laying in my bed, staring at the white ceiling, lost in my own thoughts.

Everything annoys me. From my mom simply doing nothing, to my brother’s hysterical screams when playing video games.

I feel homesick, even though I am home. Feeling tired, even if I do nothing or get out of bed all day.

I just want this to end. I am longing to return to the moments where I was blissful.

I recall shaking my stress from my shoulders. The warmth of the sunshine as it touches my face. Laughing until a joyful tear glides down my cheek. The refreshing breeze of air slowly filling my lungs as I roll down the car window.

Watching those memories steadily fade as the thought of life not being the same again crosses my mind.